How to Overcome an Unhealthy Need to Be Liked

One of my mentors helped me become aware of a flaw – my unhealthy need to be liked.

Yeah, but….“People do business with people they know, like, and trust?”

Let’s explore.

Do You Need to Be Liked?


If you are familiar with the DISC profile, I am a High I with a score of 99 out of 100.

This means I love connecting and interacting with people. I care what people think about me.

I know many people who don’t care about what others think of them. They live their life their way and if other people like them, great. If not, they don’t care.

How do they do that?

The Struggle is Real


People who desire to be liked often surrender authenticity to avoid confrontation or uncomfortable moments.

Most people have pretty good BS detectors and can tell when you are not being truthful.

People don’t like phonies. Even if they do like them, they don’t trust them, which means they won’t do business with them!

“People will listen to you if they like you, but if they trust you they’ll do business with you.” – Zig Ziglar

Reality Check


Everyone is not going to like you!

Remember the adage, “Opposites attract?” Research has shown this statement to be inaccurate.

People tend to be attracted to people who share similar attitudes. Another study found that attraction increases proportionately with the degree of similarity.

Right now, there are about 7.4 billion people on earth. Let’s say that 25% of world’s population have a similar attitude with you. You have 1.86 billion people that will like you! That’s a whole lot of people  – more than enough to keep you busy for a lifetime.

It Is Not Worth It


Do not wear yourself our trying to be liked by everyone.

It is exhausting for you and the people around you.

Trying to be someone or something you are not is unsustainable. The real you will be revealed at some point.

Be You


“To thine own self be true.” – Polonius in Hamlet

People want the real you. If they like the real you, great. If they don’t, great.

There are only two things you have control over in your life – attitude and actions.

Treat other people well and do the right thing. What more can you do?

It is never okay to be disrespectful or untruthful to another person. If you do not treat others well, why would they like you?

Practical Application


You can do this. It’s all about mindset.

My mindset changed once I became aware of my struggle to be liked.

It is all about mindset.

My mindset changed once I became aware of my struggle to be liked and I made a commitment to do five things to help me keep the right perspective on people’s attitude towards me:

1. Stay focused on having the right attitude and try to do the right thing

2. Embrace the way that God made me

3. Work to cultivate my natural skills and interests

4. Serve others by giving them value

5. Communicate with tact and empathy

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